I’m really glad i’m writing this because i really need to because i can’t tell you because you hate me which i understand but yeah. I hope you have a good night and i’m sure you will because you have people that love you to surround you. I hope we someday talk again and be friends or something. I love you.
Do you remember the first time we met? I know you do because we’ve talked about it a lot but i never really got into detail about it. I got on and knew exactly who you were, i mean i knew your name but not really you. You seemed nice and sweet so it surprised me when you said all those people always talked trash on you and shit. But that night i had to like pin my eyes open just to talk to you and i had school the next day or idk i had something the next day but i stayed up talking to you. I didn’t want to go or leave, i wanted to talk to you forever because you were the first girl to make me feel happy so quick, you took the pain away and you took my mind off a lot of things. You were like my savior in a way and iknow thats a bit extreme but it’s true. Cassidy you’ve always been the girl to make me feel better and i’m sorry for all the wrong i’ve done. For all the hurt i’ve caused you and i’m sorry that till this day you still don’t trust me.
Do you remember that time that you weren’t sure if you loved me anymore? Because you were talking to some dougie person and apparently he was better. All i remember thinking is what have i been doing wrong and what does he got that i don’t? I swear that was the worst feeling in the entire world.
Do you remember that time grayson asked you out and you told me and i told you not to but you still did? yeah worst feeling in the world.
Do you remember that time you were dating grayson or zander i don’t remember but you dated one of them and they had to sleep and you asked to call me and we stayed up pretty much that whole night talking. it sucked though because that whole night i just wanted to cry every second you spoke because you weren’t with me.
I admit the reason for breaking up with you is stupid but i thought about it long and hard. Even before your uncle died, you’ve been very distant from me and when all that happen it got worse and personally i don’t blame you i really don’t. i understand exactly what you are going through but what sucks is that i’m usually the one you go to for comfort and i just feel like i’m not that person anymore. i don’t feel needed nor wanted and you can ignore me anytime you’d like and when it comes to me i just can’t do that anymore. i used to but then i realized after 4 months that no one is going to compare to you and it’s still like that so don’t think i did it for someone because everyone on rp is weird and the only person that really gets me is you but that’s what i do. i push the people that i love out of my life before they could hurt me and i don’t know maybe its because i’m so in love with you that i’m afraid that you could hurt me at any moment and you could, i know you could just by your words my heart could be completely broken. i know this is very selfish of me and i know what i’ve been doing wrong i know but i can’t help myself, i can’t help the way i feel and i can’t help but feel alone.
you know you are the only person i’ve really talked to about my nephews right? because you know exactly how i feel and i come to you with this stuff and i know you complain a lot about how people come to you with their problems and never ask you if you are okay so i never want to do that because i always wanted you first but recently everything has gone to shit and you just aren’t there anymore. nobody really is there for me anymore so i understand i’m not the most important person on earth like i get that.
i know i’ve probably lost you for good but maybe that’s a good thing? i mean maybe you can find someone better than me and i’m sure you will. i’m sure they are all lining up right now just to get you. anyway yup this is good i guess. you won’t have to worry about me bitching at you and being selfish with you. you won’t have to worry about getting hurt anymore because i’m gone and i won’t bring you that pain or frustration or annoy you.
remember one thing though cassidy, 4 months was a long time without you and i somehow managed and hopefully i can do it again so i won’t have to hurt as bad yakno? anyway i just want you to know that i dont regret getting back with you, i don’t regret anything. i could do it all over if i could, fix things i’ve said and things i’ve done. just know i never mean to hurt you i just do and i’m sorry, i’m sorry that i made you fall in love with the wrong person.
